Firsts.

Firsts are special. First kiss. Richard Dukes circa 1977 after sharing a sweet delicious red apple. First "real" date. Steve Nivin, center of high school football team, circa 1983. The fact that he was the center of the football team is important because it was a Sadie Hawkins dance, and I had to foot the bill, including the pre-dance meal. If I had to do it over again, I would have asked someone from math club. First job. Minyards Grocery Store cashier circa 1983. This was a big transition time in the grocery store business going from manual push button to scanners. I was on the cutting edge of the new technology. The only thing better was the polyester forest green (with pumpkin orange piping no less )pantsuit I got to wear. What a fashion plate I was. First car. 1981 Ford Mustang. Best thing about it was the $96.14 car payment I had every month. Worst thing was everything else. What a piece. My last memory of the car was when I tried to abandon it on the North Dallas Tollway on my way to South Dallas to open up a new grocery store. It was a typical horrific Dallas summer with the temperature over 100 degrees, and my car breaks down on the toll road. I walked to the nearest gas station to get help (pre cell phone era) which was a few miles from where the car broke down. Oh, did I tell you? I was wearing my work outfit - my green polyester pantsuit. On my way, a group of men begin to chase me making cat calls after exiting a bus. I was scared and humiliated. I ended up near the airport and called my mom sobbing. She settled me down, picked me up but REFUSED to allow me abandon my car on the toll road so we called a tow truck.

So, this brings me to my most important first of all. First time being a parent. February 29, 2008. I don't feel like a parent yet because I really haven't done anything for Abby. She has been cared for by others since her birth. While I am totally in love with her, you have to physically be there to be a parent. But, visiting her next month counts. It is my "trial run" so to speak. While I have never looked more forward to anything in my life, I have the normal first time mom jitters. They are oozing out of every pore of my body. I have had a lot of experience with children and I am emotionally ready, but it is just different when you are IT. The primary caregiver, the one who has to discern the hungry cries from the sleepy cries from the cries for absolutely no reason whatsover. My main focus will be to bond as much as possible with Abby, but I a freaking out about making sure I will be able to meet her basic needs for the several days she is in my care! I did have a great chat with a woman yesterday who is a little further along in her adoption process but had visited her son in Guatemala a month ago. She gave me a lot of helpful tips including where the Guatemalan Walmart was where I could stock up on the basics (thanks, Gretchen). I think the prospect of doing all this for the first time in a foreign country already out of my comfort zone has added to the normal anxiety. I know I will do an adequate job, and with my mom to help, it should be OK. Thankfully, only my mom will see how I navigate through everything in my first few days of parenting. Maybe one day, 16+ years in the future, I'll be picking up Abby after her car breaks down, but I can tell you one thing..she won't ever have to wear a green polyester pant suit with orange piping! No kid should have to suffer that fate!

Where am I now in the process? Well, I have been in PGN for 5 weeks now. PGN typically kicks out almost 75% of cases. My agency prepared me for the reality, so I fully expect to be kicked out which then starts the review cycle in PGN over. It is customary to get kicked out sometime after 4-6 weeks in, and my caseworker confirmed yesterday that PGN has been kicking out ALL single applicants. So, I fully expect I will be no different. Singles can adopt under the old laws, and when they kick you out, they usually find something minor in your file that your attorney can easily correct. I hope to hear soon. Of course I don't want to be kicked out at all, but if I do, the sooner the issue can be corrected and I can get back in on the reviewer's desk. Some cases have multiple kickouts (previos). I am just hoping for the best.

Dateline NBC Story

The big Dateline NBC Story on Guatemalan adoptions was on last Sunday night. I didn't want this story to air. Simply for selfish reasons of course because I knew I would be faced with questions from friends and family that I might not be able to adequately answer. What's new. I knew the story would focus on the dark side of Guatemalan adoptions, and yes, there is a dark side, but it is the minority of cases. This dark side is the main reason cited by adoption reform advocates who helped pass the new law in Guatemala in December. Whether the new law will ultimately improves the lives of children in Guatemala is debatable since it doesn't really address most of the root causes of why families give up their children for adoption in the first place. Most other Latin American countries are open to intercountry adoption in theory, but in reality, the social infrastructure is not in place to support it. That is the likely result in Guatemala as well for the future.

I hope everyone realizes that not all Guatemalan adoptions are corrupt. Most are not. Any system with a financial incentive and terrible law enforcement can lead to corruption. My agency has all the safeguards in place to ensure my adoption is being handled ethically and responsibly. My agency has never worked with any of the corrupt adoption facilitators discussed on the Dateline program and only works with licensed attorneys with excellent track records. Everything in my paperwork has made sense from the beginning of my process, and I have never for one moment thought that something didn't add up. There are few certainties in life, but I do have great confidence that my adoption is like thousands before mine -totally above board and ethical. I want to protect Abby as much as possible from any stigma that might be attached to her simply because she was adopted from Guatemala. Let's not perpetuate the stigma by painting too broad a brush here. It is terribly unfair to the children. By the time Abby is old enough to ask questions, I will take her through step by step how her adoption was handled from beginining to end. He birth mother acted knowingly and selflessly by giving Abby up for adoption, and I am forever grateful to her for giving me an opportunity to adopt her.

Abby @ 4 months

In 6 weeks, I will get to see this beautiful smiling baby in person. I can't believe it. I am going to Guatemala to spend 4 days with Abby. I booked flights for my mom and I last night.

These are new pictures I got yesterday taken when Abby was 4 months old. She has a new foster mother, Gloria, who has a ton of experience fostering children. Abby is the only child in her care, and Abby has adjusted very well over the past month that she has been in Gloria's home. Gloria says she is very happy, rarely cries and is very social. And, she is really starting to grow at a faster rate. She is now almost 11 llbs although she is still a very tiny baby overall. The clothes Abby is wearing are the first items I purchased for her, and it is nice to see that they fit.

Abby and her new foster mother, Gloria






Only the luggage weight requirements will stop me from totally cramming my suitcase with clothes, toys, and essentials for Abby when I go to visit!

A Visit Trip to Guatemala

My agency just gave me the great news.....I can take a visit trip to see Abby prior to my trip to Guatemala to finalize her adoption later this year (hopefully by summer)! This is unexpected fantastic news because many months ago my agency would not allow us to visit after there was an incident in the hotel (everything turned out OK). The way it works is that the foster mother and my agency representative in Guatemala will drop her off at my hotel and then pick her up the day I leave Guatemala. Since she is not legally my child until the adoption is finalized, there is a set of rules that I must abide by, but they are all very reasonable, so the rules are a NON issue for me. Most importantly, I am not allowed to leave the hotel grounds whatsoever and go shopping, sightseeing, etc. Since, at this point, all I care about is holding, touching, playing, and cuddling with Abby, staying put in the hotel is a perfect scenario. She will stay with me 24/7 so I get to really do the mom thing earlier than I expected even if it is just for a few days! I have to coordinate a schedule that works for me, my agency and the foster family, but I am looking to go in about 6-8 weeks from now. What an awesome gift to get to see Abby earlier than I anticipated! Grandma may go with me because she is too excited to keep contained anymore. This is her third grandchild (one of my brothers has two sweet, beautiful daughters who are equally excited about Abby), but you would think it was her first the way she is carrying on. But, I love it that she is so excited and supportive. Actually, my entire family without exception has been behind me 100%, so I am very fortunate.

There is not any movement on my case review at this point since it must first be registered with the new Central Authority, known as the CNA or Comision Nacional al Adopcions, before it can go back to the old Central Authority, PGN, for review and processing. It still has to be approved by PGN because my case is governed by the old Guatemalan adoption law. One of the few new requirements was to also register it with the CNA. The deadline for registering is not 1/31 anymore but 2/11, so if it is open for business next week, my Guatemalan attorney should be filing my paperwork. The sooner the better so that my file can be reviewed. Thankfully, I have the visit with Abby to look forward to :)

New Guatemalan Leadership

Today is inaguaration day for Guatemala's new president - Alvaro Colom. Colom's VP is Rafael Espada who gave up his day job as a heart surgeon in Houston to try and give Guatemalans a better quality of life. Today, roughly 75% of Guatemalans live on less than $1/day. There is still too much corruption and gang activity throughout the country. Guatemala spent 36 years in a civil war (1960- 1996) which left over 200,000 people dead and 40,000 others who simply disappeared. Those of Mayan descent, about 1/2 the population of Guatemala, were hit hardest and suffered all sorts of discrimination at the hands of those in the ruling, elite class. Colom have been working for the past 10 years to bring hope Guatemalan refugees who mostly fled to Mexico after the civil war ended and was instrumental in working with the government and the UN to invest monies into the areas of Guatemala that were hit hardest by the war so that the refugees could start over. Colom has said his immediate focus will be on rural aid, public safety, and building more schools and public health faciilties.The problems that Guatemala faces are staggering. Colom can make a difference. Maybe not a lot in 4 years, but hopefully, he will start something that can continue, and as Abby grows up, the future for Guatemala will be much brighter.

New Central Authority in Guatemala Up and Running?

The new Central Authority in Guatemala has an office now and all members have been sworn in. This is great news since all "in process" cases have to register with this agency BEFORE our cases can move forward in Guatemalan court. So, regardless of where my case was in the review process, my attorney in Guatemala must now register my case with this Central Authority. All indications are that the registration process should be announced and may begin this coming week. I am hopeful that my case will be registered without issue prior to the 1/31/08 deadline. There is some speculation that the deadline will be fluid due to the delay in getting the new Central Authority created, but hopefully, I will know more this week. My agency should be updating me as soon as they know.

Confusion Reigns Supreme

Over the past week or so, confusion and uncertainity seems to be the dominant themes surrounding adoptions now that the 12/31/07 date has passed, and the new Guatemalan adoption law is supposed to be in effect. The situation is exacerbated by the fact that a new presidental regime takes over in Guatemala on January 14th. The new law stated that all in process cases (mine included) would follow the old law as long as the case is registered with the new Central Authority by January 31st. Problem is that the Central Authority doesn't exist yet. This is freaking a lot of people out. My feeling is that there will be a delay but ultimately the implementation issues surrounding this law will be worked out. I am hopeful that because I got into PGN (The PGN in Guatemala acts as the official adoption office in Guatemala. Paperwork is processed through the PGN and referrals are made through this department with the assistance of an attorney working through the PGN in Guatemala) prior to the end of the year that my case is currently being reviewed although it may not be ultimately approved until my case is registered with the new yet to be formed Central Authority. But, honestly, I really have no idea. Speculation is all over the map. I am trying to look at the big picture.. I want to bring home Abby as soon as I can, and delays suck no doubt about it. But, at the end of the day, AS LONG as I can bring her home, I will manage the wait and the stress surrounding the wait the best that I can. I actually found the perfect antidote to this - replace this stress with a different stress! I had a baby proofing expert look at my house yesterday because I was concerned about a 25 foot pony wall ( it is only 3 1/2 feet high) I have in my house on the 2nd floor. While he pretty much allayed my fears about the pony wall, he brought up a million other hazards in my house. Needless to say, I have a lot of work to do to get my house ready for Abby to come home. At least it makes me feel like I have a little control over things by spending my time on something I actually can fix right now!

My Daughter Looks Like George Bush...Not That There Is Anything Wrong With That

In one picture, and one picture only, Abby looks like George W. Bush.


Wow, I said it. Of course she is cute and precious, but the fact remains that in this photo, she looks like him. I can't believe it. Who would've imagined? I think it that clueless vacant look that a 3 month old SHOULD have but a sitting US President should not.