Circle of Life

Yesterday, we buried my grandmother, and Friday, I will meet my daughter for the first time. What a week. My grandmother died just short of her 95th birthday and lived a long, healthy, and meaningful life. She was passionate and full of life until her heart just gave out. There was no suffering, no long drawn out illness, just a fairly peaceful exit to a life lived to the fullest. The last time I spoke with my grandmother, she told me Abby was beautiful and lucky to have me a a mom. She joked about not making it until her 95th birthday party that we had planned in April. She sounded tired by not depressed, and I am glad I had a recent, meaningful conversation with her before she passed away. I'll never forget her and will have a lot of memories of her to share with Abby one day.

My grandmother's funeral was a reason for the family to come together, and it made me appreciate even more what a great family I really have. I wish we weren't so scattered throughout the country because I really like spending time with them. They are so supportive of me and my adoption of Abby. It was great talking about her especially knowing I would be seeing her in just a few days. I saw my two youngest brothers who I hadn't seen in a few years. They have lived a nomadic lifestyle the past year or so traveling in South America, but they have turned into fine young men, and I am very proud of them.

I am ready for my visit trip. I MIGHT be able to leave the hotel if I get Abby's new revised birth certificate by the weekend with my name on it. Since the Guatemalan portion of my adoption is over with PGN approval, if I get a birth certicate with my name as the mother, legally I can take Abby outside of the hotel within Guatemala. I am not sure I will do it because I need to see if I can manage meeting her basic needs first, but it would be nice to have this option!

I'll post some new pics of the visit trip when I get back next week.

A Little Levity

Just a cute cartoon I found today....

Life is Good

I am still floating. I still can't believe I am out of PGN and that Abby is going to be home this spring, before the weather even gets warm again!! My agency confirmed that my case was registered before the 2/12 deadline, so I am in the home stretch of this entire process. All my focus has been on my upcoming visiti trip in less than two weeks, but now with this news about PGN approval, I have to get ready for my life to turn upside down (it's all good). I spent a few hours at Babies-R-Us today, and that place is quite overwhelming for the new mom-to-be in my opinion. I mean is it really necessary to have a choice of 8 gazillion bottle nipples? Jeez.... The only times I have been in that store before was to buy a gift for a baby shower, and that is not overwhelming at all. You go to the computer, print out your friend's baby registry and go find find the item your friend selected. There is no weighing one type vs. another, no wondering if you are going to make the "wrong" choice because your friend selected it, and all you are doing it picking it up and paying for it. Pretty easy. Not so much when you have to make choices on everything. I avoided most of the big decisions because I only went in to buy a few items for my upcoming trip. I know when I get back, I have to really stock up. Maybe it will be easier now that I have dipped my feet in a bit.

I got some new pics of Abby a few days ago to keep me occupied until I see her on the 29th. Her foster mother, Gloria, really seems to connect with Abby and has her dressed in a girlie-girl outfit.


She looks cute and has really started to fill out with her cute chubby cheeks!

My Water Broke (I Think)

It is probably foolish to try and draw pregnancy analogies to an international adoption, but at a time when I am pretty much speechless, it is the best I can come up with. I found out yesterday that I got approved by PGN!! I feel like my water broke because I got a huge sign that a baby sighting is imminent...I just don't know the exact time...just soon. I am in total shock a day later. PGN is the equivalent of the Guatemalan Attorney General's Office and is supposed to be the last hurdle in Guatemala before I can finalize my adoption at the US Embassy. What is so shocking about this is that I got approved in PGN in 7 weeks!! My agency told me that my case was one of the fastest cases they have had in a long time. The fact that I did not get kicked out at least once like so many other cases do for minor or inconsequential reasons, is just GOOD LUCK. Plain and simple. There is no rhyme or reason to why my case was approved without any kickouts. Wow, what an amazing, thrilling surprise!! I was prepared to be kicked out to have the process start over within PGN at least once, maybe more which would put getting Abby late summer. What this means is that I might be picking up Abby FOR GOOD and taking her home at the end of March when she will only be 7 months old!! That is about 4-5 months earlier than expected!!

Let's be honest. I am not ready. Probably no amout of preparation is going to get me ready, but I will go into overdrive over the next 6 weeks to be as ready as I can be. There are things I just wasn't focusing on because I wasn't expecting to get her so young. This could not be a better problem to have, but it is time to find day care, get that crib set up, and buy all that age appropriate stuff that I didn't think I would be getting for her now. I feel like a mad woman about to jump out of my skin. I have never been so excited for anything, and nothing has really truly prepared me for the wave of emotions that I go through on a daily basis. I can literally cry happy tears just thinking of Abby and her beautiful smile no matter what I was doing 5 seconds before that. If I told you my body was physically aching to hold her, I would be telling you the truth. What a strange yet wonderful feeling it is.

I have to put a * on this PGN approval because there is still one legal issue hanging over my head. When the new law was passed and all "in process" cases like mine were to be grandfathered in under the old laws, there was one stipulation. You had to register your case with the newly created Central Authority, CNA. It seems silly to have to register with the new CNA when my case was filed in PGN before year end 2007, but it seemed like a minor, manageable requirement. Unfortunately, the CNA did not become fully operational until last week, and there are over 2000 cases to get registered by the deadline, today, 2/12. The CNA's original staff was fired because they were appointed by the previous Guatemalan president days before the new president, Colom, took over. Colom appointed his own people, the location of the CNA changed in mid stream, the form to register the cases changed, the CNA didn't have the funding to pay their employees and they didn't have adequate supplies to run the office at full steam. Reports of long lines of attorneys trying to register multiple cases at once were widespread. Many people in the same boat that I am got confirmation from their agencies that they were registered by the deadline today. I did NOT get that confirmation unfortunately, and the lawyer in me is very stressed about this.

My agency is confident that the deadline will be extended. My case was registered at the first CNA office a few weeks ago, but Guatemala is requiring that everyone re-register. The CNA did stay open on the weekends and has showed a willingness to work all the cases, but I wish I could share my agency's optimism that this will work itself out. I have to believe that because the alternative is too scary and painful. I am also hopeful that my PGN approval would effectively render this registration moot since the PGN is supposed to be the final authority on the Guatemalan side.

I am still going on my visit trip on the 28th even with this new development. If everything works out, I will be returning to Guatemala 2-4 weeks after the visit to pick Abby up and bring her home. Maybe she will remember me. That would be pretty cool.

What's next is getting Abby's birth certificate again, having a 2nd DNA sample taken to match Abby to her birth mother and then once the results come back, the US Embassy sends me a "pink slip" which is basically an email stating I have an appointment at the Embassy in Guatemala on a certain date where I show up with Abby and finalize the adoption. After that appointment, she is legally mine. I will have to re-adopt her again when I come home, but that will be a piece of cake compared to everything else!

Firsts.

Firsts are special. First kiss. Richard Dukes circa 1977 after sharing a sweet delicious red apple. First "real" date. Steve Nivin, center of high school football team, circa 1983. The fact that he was the center of the football team is important because it was a Sadie Hawkins dance, and I had to foot the bill, including the pre-dance meal. If I had to do it over again, I would have asked someone from math club. First job. Minyards Grocery Store cashier circa 1983. This was a big transition time in the grocery store business going from manual push button to scanners. I was on the cutting edge of the new technology. The only thing better was the polyester forest green (with pumpkin orange piping no less )pantsuit I got to wear. What a fashion plate I was. First car. 1981 Ford Mustang. Best thing about it was the $96.14 car payment I had every month. Worst thing was everything else. What a piece. My last memory of the car was when I tried to abandon it on the North Dallas Tollway on my way to South Dallas to open up a new grocery store. It was a typical horrific Dallas summer with the temperature over 100 degrees, and my car breaks down on the toll road. I walked to the nearest gas station to get help (pre cell phone era) which was a few miles from where the car broke down. Oh, did I tell you? I was wearing my work outfit - my green polyester pantsuit. On my way, a group of men begin to chase me making cat calls after exiting a bus. I was scared and humiliated. I ended up near the airport and called my mom sobbing. She settled me down, picked me up but REFUSED to allow me abandon my car on the toll road so we called a tow truck.

So, this brings me to my most important first of all. First time being a parent. February 29, 2008. I don't feel like a parent yet because I really haven't done anything for Abby. She has been cared for by others since her birth. While I am totally in love with her, you have to physically be there to be a parent. But, visiting her next month counts. It is my "trial run" so to speak. While I have never looked more forward to anything in my life, I have the normal first time mom jitters. They are oozing out of every pore of my body. I have had a lot of experience with children and I am emotionally ready, but it is just different when you are IT. The primary caregiver, the one who has to discern the hungry cries from the sleepy cries from the cries for absolutely no reason whatsover. My main focus will be to bond as much as possible with Abby, but I a freaking out about making sure I will be able to meet her basic needs for the several days she is in my care! I did have a great chat with a woman yesterday who is a little further along in her adoption process but had visited her son in Guatemala a month ago. She gave me a lot of helpful tips including where the Guatemalan Walmart was where I could stock up on the basics (thanks, Gretchen). I think the prospect of doing all this for the first time in a foreign country already out of my comfort zone has added to the normal anxiety. I know I will do an adequate job, and with my mom to help, it should be OK. Thankfully, only my mom will see how I navigate through everything in my first few days of parenting. Maybe one day, 16+ years in the future, I'll be picking up Abby after her car breaks down, but I can tell you one thing..she won't ever have to wear a green polyester pant suit with orange piping! No kid should have to suffer that fate!

Where am I now in the process? Well, I have been in PGN for 5 weeks now. PGN typically kicks out almost 75% of cases. My agency prepared me for the reality, so I fully expect to be kicked out which then starts the review cycle in PGN over. It is customary to get kicked out sometime after 4-6 weeks in, and my caseworker confirmed yesterday that PGN has been kicking out ALL single applicants. So, I fully expect I will be no different. Singles can adopt under the old laws, and when they kick you out, they usually find something minor in your file that your attorney can easily correct. I hope to hear soon. Of course I don't want to be kicked out at all, but if I do, the sooner the issue can be corrected and I can get back in on the reviewer's desk. Some cases have multiple kickouts (previos). I am just hoping for the best.

Dateline NBC Story

The big Dateline NBC Story on Guatemalan adoptions was on last Sunday night. I didn't want this story to air. Simply for selfish reasons of course because I knew I would be faced with questions from friends and family that I might not be able to adequately answer. What's new. I knew the story would focus on the dark side of Guatemalan adoptions, and yes, there is a dark side, but it is the minority of cases. This dark side is the main reason cited by adoption reform advocates who helped pass the new law in Guatemala in December. Whether the new law will ultimately improves the lives of children in Guatemala is debatable since it doesn't really address most of the root causes of why families give up their children for adoption in the first place. Most other Latin American countries are open to intercountry adoption in theory, but in reality, the social infrastructure is not in place to support it. That is the likely result in Guatemala as well for the future.

I hope everyone realizes that not all Guatemalan adoptions are corrupt. Most are not. Any system with a financial incentive and terrible law enforcement can lead to corruption. My agency has all the safeguards in place to ensure my adoption is being handled ethically and responsibly. My agency has never worked with any of the corrupt adoption facilitators discussed on the Dateline program and only works with licensed attorneys with excellent track records. Everything in my paperwork has made sense from the beginning of my process, and I have never for one moment thought that something didn't add up. There are few certainties in life, but I do have great confidence that my adoption is like thousands before mine -totally above board and ethical. I want to protect Abby as much as possible from any stigma that might be attached to her simply because she was adopted from Guatemala. Let's not perpetuate the stigma by painting too broad a brush here. It is terribly unfair to the children. By the time Abby is old enough to ask questions, I will take her through step by step how her adoption was handled from beginining to end. He birth mother acted knowingly and selflessly by giving Abby up for adoption, and I am forever grateful to her for giving me an opportunity to adopt her.

Abby @ 4 months

In 6 weeks, I will get to see this beautiful smiling baby in person. I can't believe it. I am going to Guatemala to spend 4 days with Abby. I booked flights for my mom and I last night.

These are new pictures I got yesterday taken when Abby was 4 months old. She has a new foster mother, Gloria, who has a ton of experience fostering children. Abby is the only child in her care, and Abby has adjusted very well over the past month that she has been in Gloria's home. Gloria says she is very happy, rarely cries and is very social. And, she is really starting to grow at a faster rate. She is now almost 11 llbs although she is still a very tiny baby overall. The clothes Abby is wearing are the first items I purchased for her, and it is nice to see that they fit.

Abby and her new foster mother, Gloria






Only the luggage weight requirements will stop me from totally cramming my suitcase with clothes, toys, and essentials for Abby when I go to visit!